If I were running for President

Charlie Gibson: Forgive my bluntness, but you're a relative unknown on the national political scene. In what way do you feel that you are qualified to be President? Let's start with foreign policy experience.

Me: Charlie, that's a fine and fair question, and I am prepared to allay the voters' concerns in this area. Let me ask you a question. What do all foreign leaders have in common? Putin, Ahmawhatchamacallitajad, that Karzai guy, the Iraqi leaders? What do they all have in common? They all wear clothes. And I - this is important - I do my own laundry. I've washed clothes. I've dried clothes. I know how to fold a pair of slacks without losing the crease.

Charlie: I'm sorry, laundry?

Me: Look, Charlie, we all wear clothes. But having done laundry myself, I understand the inner workings. I know what makes these people tick.

Charlie: (bewildered) Umm... okay then. But in what ways are you prepared to deal with the current economic crisis?

Me: Charlie, I understand the predicament facing the middle class. I have a full and deep understanding of their situation. I've been there. I've done my own laundry, just as they do. And I want to make life better for the middle class, because they're essential to our economy. Under my administration, it'll be easier for the middle class to make ends meet. To put food on the table. To do a couple loads of permanent press without the colors running. Color-safe bleach isn't cheap, and I understand these needs far better than my opponent because I've been there.

Baseball trivia for which I actually know the answer

I came across a major league baseball player who hit for the cycle* in two different leagues in two different millenia. I have no idea if he's the only player to have accomplished such a feat, but I'll give a prize of no value whatsoever to the first commenter to figure out (a) who I'm thinking of; and (b) if anyone else accomplished the same.

One person is disqualified from answering this, and he knows who he is.

*Single, double, triple, and HR in the same game. Now go sit this one out - if you didn't know what "hit for the cycle" means, you probably didn't have much likelihood of finding the answer.

Me & McCain

There was a time, around the "agents of intolerance" days, that John McCain might have been my favorite Republican politician.

Then he started kissing up to Falwell & Co, and I lost quite a bit of respect for him.

Then he showed his mean and nasty side during the early stages of this presidential cycle, and I lost more respect for him.

Then he picked a totally unqualified, polarizing figure for his VP, and again, his stock fell in my estimation.

Then he launched some of the most vicious, untruthful campaign advertising we've seen in years. The kind of thing that was supposed to be prevented by forcing candidates to feign dignity by stating "I approved this message."

At present, I'd say he's about on par with Dubya and Cheney in my book. So much for post-partisanship, eh John?

Reflections

It's impossible, at least in this part of the country, not to be thinking about it today. Even just for the impact on my commute this morning, since I often take a Metro bus to the Pentagon to pick up the subway. Virtually every route into the Pentagon is blocked today by police cars, officers, military trucks, and uniformed members of the armed services. (Buses are re-routed to a nearby station.)

Then again, I have reminders on a regular basis. On days that I don't take the bus, my carpool passes the Western side of the Pentagon, where a huge swath of the facade is clearly a newer, cleaner shade of stone. The Pentagon Memorial, which will be dedicated and opened to the public today, lies just yards from our regular route, so I've watched it under various stages of construction.

But today is the day that we all relive the moment. I was in the office when rumor started spreading about a plane hitting the World Trade Center. I clearly remember which coworker's voice I overheard, saying, "No, I think it was a commercial plane!" in response to somebody's inquiry. I walked down to the cafeteria, which had a dozen or so TV sets, to see what was going on - more as an aviation enthusiast than out of any concern or fear. But as minutes passed, the cafeteria filled with employees - there were over 2,000 in the building - and the fear struck everyone deeply, as we all realized the gravity of the situation. Nobody got any work done that day, and many of us spent it phoning relatives and wondering why we weren't being sent home.

It's cliche to say that we were all Americans that day. But there's something to that - in fact, a little bit of that seems to return each year on the anniversary. On the Metro this morning, there was just a slightly different air. It wasn't a group of people who were all annoying one another to some degree - with their appearance, loud headsets, or general grumpiness. There was more eye contact than usual. Everyone knew that we were all, to some degree, in the same boat, not just stuck in the same Metro car.

Even though the 9/11 Commission Report would later shed light on what happened behind-the-scenes over the next hours and days, at the time, there was an incredible sense of unity. Indeed, a nation had been mobilized toward a cause, and that doesn't happen often.

So let's resolve to relive that part every year. The media makes certain that we have ample opportunities to relive the horror. It's our job to relive the sense of unity and pride that arose, seemingly out of nowhere. Let's take a day off from the partisan bickering, which isn't easy for some of us who are deeply passionate about the choice facing us in November. And let's tell both campaigns - all campaigns - that this day is not a political tool. We don't want to hear your rhetoric today. And for the next seven weeks, we don't want to hear rhetoric that exploits this day. No political party has a monopoly on protecting America.

FUD

There's a concept in Marketing known as "Fear, Uncertainty, and Doubt". The general idea is that you can win a customer's business by creating or perpetuating FUD about the alternatives to your product. (Either your competition, or simply the absence of your product, as in the case of computer anti-virus software.)

The plethora of Y2K products (computer protection, survival kits, etc.) are a great example of FUD marketing. Average Joe Consumer had no way of really knowing with any confidence what would happen at the stroke of midnight of New Years Eve. Would planes fall out of the sky? Would the electric grid collapse? It was very fertile ground for FUD marketing.

I don't think it's anything of a stretch to say that the GOP has become the Political Party of FUD. Their primary tactic in both the 2004 and 2008 presidential campaigns has been to stoke the electorate's anxiety with a massive FUD campaign. For example, "if you vote for the other guy, we'll get attacked again." Even the suggestion that this year's democratic nominee is underqualified falls squarely into the category of FUD marketing. (Underqualified? See Lincoln, Abraham)

FUD is certainly an effective marketing tactic in some situations. But it's also an awfully sleazy way to run a political campaign.

If you can make yourself see through the FUD, there are only a few reasons I can think of to vote for McCain this November:

• You are an Oil company executive
  
• You own a private defense contractor that is currently raking in Zillions from Iraq contracts (See: Blackwater)
• Your income is in the top 1% of Americans, in which case, yes, Obama might let your current tax breaks expire (lots of overlap between this and the first two groups)

So you see, I'm confused as to why the polls are so close. I guess 45% of Americans are susceptible to FUD.

I invite any GOP defenders to provide their rationale in the comments... but please don't just restate the FUD. I'm looking for substance.